A Reinvigorated Sense of Wonder

Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

~John Lennon 

That quote describes my life pretty well right now.  It has been a little over a month since I have written a new post because life decided to happen to me. A month ago today, my 18-month-old great-nephew came to live with me while his parents work some things out in their lives. To say this was a big change might just be the understatement of the century. I have gone from living alone, doing what I want when I want, to caring for this small child who just needs someone to pay attention to him and help him learn to explore.

Even though I have worked with toddlers for many years and have seen their sense of wonder and curiosity lead to new discoveries every day, having the little one living with me has made me even more aware of this.  He hadn't had many experiences outside of his room, home or neighborhood.  I am used to slowing down for the typical toddler as everything seems new and interesting to them. But, with this little one I find myself having to work a little harder at following his pace.  He is so enthralled with everything he sees that it is hard not to enjoy that sense of wonder. At home, he spent most of his free time just walking around the house, back and forth between the kitchen and living room, just because he finally had space to do so.

The first day he came to school with me, it took forever for him to walk from the car into the center. And not because he had just started walking a few weeks earlier and was still a bit unsteady on his feet. He stopped for every new sound, movement or sight that caught his attention.  A car drove past and he stopped to just stare at it. Once he was certain it was gone, he turned back to me and continued on until a college student approached so he stopped to watch him pass by as well.  A bird tweeted and he stopped, looking around to see if he could find it. It was so hard not to rush him but, I gave him the time and space to take it all in. A month later, he still stops frequently to look around but it doesn't take us quite as long to get inside, provided he doesn't decide to test his limits and try to go in the opposite direction.

I am so grateful that the little one can come to work with me. He really seems to enjoy being around the other children and is always watching what they are doing. He has learned so much just from watching them. He didn't play with the toys much at the beginning and at  home he usually went to the light up toys when he decided to play unless I showed him some ways to use the more open-ended materials. He is trying out new toys and materials every day now and trying to do so much more on his own rather than trying to get his hands on the remote control or computer.  I don't have to do nearly as much modeling or even sit with him while he explores now.  I can sit back and just be there in case he needs help. He spent a good ten minutes tonight just taking the lid off of an old coffee can and trying to put it back on again, working on his under-developed fine motor skills. He was so proud of himself for taking the lid off without help.

His biggest accomplishment to date came last night when he climbed the stairs for the very first time.  It would have been easier for me to wait a little longer before showing him some ways to climb the steps but he was definitely showing an interest so we gave it a try.  The look on his face when he got to the top made it worth it. He couldn't believe he did it! And this from a child who just a month ago was barely walking on his own or even crawling.  The  more he accomplishes, the more I see him trying to work out some of his gross motor and problem solving skills on his own, with less and less frustration each time.

It's one thing to spend eight or more hours a day in a classroom with toddlers, Having one at home lends a whole new perspective to my career. Sometimes, at home, I am more likely to forget the strategies I use at school when I am saying for the tenth time in one night that the refrigerator is not his work (it now has a lock on it- we'll see how long it lasts!).  He is comfortable and secure enough to start testing his limits at home. And while I know that is a good thing, some nights I really want him to just entertain himself so I can catch up on my work, even though I know he needs some interaction from me.  So we usually end up on the floor of the living room or his room playing with whatever he chooses.

We have settled into a good routine but, I know there will be many bumps along the way.  He checks in with me frequently to make sure I am still there to offer support when he needs it. But, he is starting to play for longer periods before coming to check in.  He loves playing tickle games, cuddling and reading books on my lap before bed time. Hearing him say "again!" or pulling my hands back to his belly makes it all worth it. Life with a toddler is a whole different world but, one that I am learning to live in. Every new experience brings him such joy and amazement.  We'll continue to develop our sense of wonder together. And you can expect to read about here every now and then.

Separation Anxiety?

As we get ready to wrap up parent conferences this semester and prepare for some new children to start after winter break, parents are front and center in my mind. It seems a year can't go by without hearing someone complain about parents. I have heard teachers at different levels say, more than once, that their job would be easier if they didn't have to deal with parents. And while every teacher or child care provider has had their share of difficult parents, we need to remember that without parents, we wouldn't have these amazing children to look after and care for.

The biggest complaint that I tend to hear from child care providers is that some parents hang around too long at drop off time in the morning. These providers would prefer that most parents just drop and go. Their reasons vary. Some feel nervous that parents are watching and waiting for them to do something wrong. Others complain that the child is too clingy to whiny or won't get off the parents' lap as long as they are there. Rarely do they ask themselves why the parents like to hang around. For most parents, this is the only time they see what happens in child care. For others, they may still be adjusting to having their child in full day care or in a new classroom. Sometimes it's a simple case of personalities clashing. We have to remember that we are human and while we may not want to be friends with everyone we meet, we do need to treat them all with the same respect.

We put a lot of time, thought and effort into helping children adjust to child care or a new classroom. We acknowledge that it is a process but that children will learn to trust their caregivers and develop a sense of security when they are well-cared for. We rarely put that same effort into helping parents adjust. For some parents, just as with children, the transition is quick and relatively easy. For others, it takes a little more time. The parents we serve are as unique as their children and we need to remember that when are helping a new family. A great provider will think of the family as a whole and not simply focus on the needs of the child.

There are simple ways to help parents acclimate to the child care center:
  

1. Have the children visit several times with their parents before their first day. This is as beneficial for the parents as it is for the children. This is the time parents can ask their questions and see the children and staff in action. Knowing how the caregivers respond to individual children does a lot to help new families feel their children will get the attention and care they need.
2. Acknowledge that it will likely be harder for the parents than the child. Children have shorter memories and likely won't remember their first day of preschool, except in extreme circumstances. The parents, however, will carry that feeling with them to work or school for the rest of the day and longer. And that's okay.  Encourage them to call to check up on their child if they feel the need.
3. Establish a drop off routine. Having a routine lets children know what to expect, which lessens their stress at this time.  By involving the children in the routine, such as having them hang their coat up or put their lunch box in their cubby, children feel more invested.  
4. Encourage the parents to stay for a bit and not rush off. While it may be easier for some providers to send parents on their way quickly, if we let them stay until they are ready, the separation ritual will become easier. I always tell new families to let me know when they are ready to say good-bye rather than trying to force my schedule on them. I have found that once parents are more comfortable or once the child is more comfortable, they tend to shorten the routine. After a few weeks, I am willing to bet that the child who clings to mom or dad or prefers to sit on their lap while the others play will start to venture out and explore. Eventually, the child will even let the parent know when they are ready to say good-bye. And while it may  be more trying for the caregivers in the short-term, in the long-term , it benefits the family immensely. More often than not, the subsequent transitions become easier and and easier.
5. Say good-bye and leave.  This may be the hardest but most important part. Yes, the child is probably going to cry. Mom or dad coming back will stop the cry for the time being but once they do leave, there will be crying. Let the child know you understand they miss their parents and accept their feelings.  You may spend the whole day acknowledging those same feelings and reminding the child when they will be reunited. But that won't last forever. They will learn the routine and realize that their parent will pick them up at roughly the same time each day.

There will always be families that we have trouble getting along with or that we just don't understand. But those are the exceptions, not the norm, for most of us. When we start thinking about the needs and realities of the families, and not just the child, we are truly providing the best care possible.